Sexual Healing With Jefferson

We asked Jefferson to be on our Porno show. Because he just gets it. (Porn, that is.) Jefferson is a writer, storyteller and host of the popular and crazy amazing storytelling shows Bare! and Spill! You can check out his blog,, which talks about his life as a perv.  We like to go over there every so often just to see what he’s tied up with.

How are you BTW?

I am well. How are you? (Was that the first question? Nailed it!)

Pretty itchy. So, like, do you have as much sex as we think you have?

How much sex do you think I have? You both seem to think about my dick a lot.

I work to maintain my slutty reputation as the easiest lay in New York City.

We kind of think you have sex a hundred times a day? Does that seem about right?

I’d deny that, but Fleet Week is coming up.

When you started your successful blog, did you think, “This blog is going to get me f-ing laid.”?

Actually, I started my blog because I was surprised anyone wanted to have sex with me. After a long, sexless, monogamous marriage, I felt utterly undesirable. When I was beginning to date and have sex again, the entire experience felt unreal. Every day I would write to a couple of friends to tell of the previous evening’s experience. Finally, one of them recommended I start a blog. This was in 2004, and I really had very little sense of blogs. I regarded mine as a kind of safe deposit box for my stories; it was public, but who knew if anyone would read it?

I was surprised that within two months, someone wrote to say she wanted to have sex with me, sight unseen, based on my writing. People may have sex with you because you’re cute, or funny, or smart, and that feels great. But there’s nothing like someone wanting you simply based on your writing. I dated her for about two years.

As a Storyteller and Host of two incredible storytelling shows, what kinds of stories do you like to hear?

Honestly, some of my favorite stories are those in which not very much happens. The nexus of a good story doesn’t have to involve a remarkable situation or feat. It can be the most common thing that captured the teller’s eye.

The two shows that I host, Bare! and Spill!, bring together accomplished storytellers and comics with others such as sex educators and sex workers. I try to achieve a good balance by having each style add its own tropes to the mix of the show. I’ll frequently tell storytellers that this is an opportunity to tell a story that feels too raunchy elsewhere. For those new to storytelling, I suggest focusing on developing narrative structure. They may be out about their sexuality and accustomed to people being shocked or curious about their activities. In advising their transition to storytelling, I encourage them to get beyond that initial response. If it’s a good story, the listener will follow you into the dungeon or the orgy, but you have to get beyond the assumption that because your story about sex, it is intrinsically interesting. That’s a lesson I learned from sex blogging: so many blogs have been plodding recitations of sex acts. Sex storytelling, like sex writing, runs the risk of banality or alienation when the storyteller relies primarily on titillation.

Tell us something about orgies, are there orgy ground rules, like no texting, no banana peels, no singing sad songs?

Like any subcultural cohort, an ongoing orgy group will develop its own rules, guidelines and traditions. All tend to strongly emphasize core values around consent, but may vary about allowing singles, or kink, or alcohol, or what have you. Our group has a set of rules that goes out with every invitation. I wrote these rules based on years of experience and learning from others. In fact, I teach a class called “Orgy Etiquette and Organization” at events throughout the year.

Our party started with my dissatisfaction with parties and clubs I had encountered. I’m bisexual, so I was put off by a prevalent double-standard in traditional swinger scenes: women, no matter their actual preference, are presumed to be bisexual, whereas men, whatever their actual preferences, are dissuaded from being bisexual. Many parties allow only couples and single women; single men are not welcome. Some parties are not welcoming of transgendered people. In New York, parties typically cost $100 or more to attend. I wanted a scene that offered a safe space, welcomed newbies and all genders, allowed free sexual exploration and didn’t discriminate based on income.

My motto became: if the scene you want doesn’t exist, create it. We’re approaching a decade of success with that mission.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you realize your sex life is just too complicated and you fantasize about the missionary position?

Missionary is one of my favorite fetishes. Mormons especially, but Jehovah’s Witnesses are always welcome.

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